


Bucky Barnes and the Song-Inspired Drabbles

by WinterPhantom



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Drabble Collection, F/M, Feels, Fluff, Occasional mentions of other Marvel characters, Reader-Insert, all kinds of things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-27 15:17:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 5,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15027443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterPhantom/pseuds/WinterPhantom
Summary: Drabbles based on songs submitted by my followers in celebration of hitting 1K on tumblr.These range from fluffy to super-angsty. If you're looking for some varied quick reads, you're probably in the right place.Specific warnings listed before each drabble.





	1. Need You Now - Lady Antebellum

**Author's Note:**

> My writing process for this was: listen to the song a dozen times, analyze the lyrics, and write whatever was inspired by that. These all incorporate the lyrics in some way; some adhere pretty directly to the given song, while others are more inspired by the themes and emotions present. I hope that everyone can find something to enjoy here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This first one is pretty angsty, but one of my favorites.

You’re lying in bed – awake. Always awake, it seems, since everything happened.

You look to your nightstand, wondering what time it is. Not that it matters. And when you reach over for your phone, your fingers brush against the overturned picture frame. And despite your better judgement – _despite everything_ – you pick it up. And flick on the lamp.

Staring back at you are two smiling faces. _So happy._ You’d both been so happy. Bucky’s brilliant blue eyes were crinkled up at the corners, an arm slung over your shoulder. How did everything go so wrong?

You’re not sure when the tears started falling. You’re also not sure where the sudden burst of anger came from; why you hurled the picture against the wall. The glass cracks and shatters, the frame thuds against the floor, and you do _exactly_ what you said you wouldn’t do. You pick up your phone.

-

Bucky sits at the bar, numb. Steve had come with him, but between the roaring of the music and the fogginess in his brain, Bucky didn’t care to find him again. He came here to drown them out – the thoughts of you. The ones that hadn’t stopped, _not for one second,_ since it all came crashing down. He needs to force himself to keep looking down, to not search for you in the crowd. Because he just sees you everywhere. But you’re never there.

He chugs another drink.

Bucky feels a hand on his shoulder. He doesn’t bother turning.

“It’s a quarter after one, Buck. We should go,” Steve says. He’s sick of hearing that tone in his voice – the pity.

“No.”

He slams the glass back on the table. It’s a wonder it doesn’t crack. And then he freezes.

Because his phone vibrates in his pocket. Because no one calls him, not anymore. And he knows who it is before he looks.

Sure enough, when he grabs it out of his pocket, it’s your name that he sees. And for a moment, he’s completely sober. But he still picks up.

-

“Bucky,” you breathe shakily. You can’t help your voice breaking – can’t help the sobs.

He hears it. Bucky hears it, and it breaks his heart all over again.

“I-” he starts, not even sure what he’s going to say.

But you stop him.

“I need you.”

“I’ll be there,” is his simple reply.

-

Bucky stands. Looks at Steve. And says nothing, because there’s nothing to say. They both know where he’s going, and Steve doesn’t know what to do anymore. How to help him. So Bucky just leaves.

-

He knocks on your door once, barely, when you open it.

His hair is longer than last time you saw him. The hair on his face, too – the scruff was well on its way to a full beard. His skin is pale; his eyes sunken. That brilliant blue gaze had dimmed.

For a moment, the two of you just stand there, frozen. Each of you mirroring the other’s despair. And then it happens.

When you collapse into each other, it isn’t beautiful and romantic. It’s agonizing and heartbreaking and tragic and brutal and _searing._

Bucky holds you as you fall apart. You hold him as he does the same. And you know exactly what you’re doing; you’re setting yourselves up for this heartbreak, this pain, all over again. But at that moment, neither of you care.

Because you’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all.


	2. Lips of an Angel - Hinder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Full request: "Lips of an Angel by Hinder with a fluffy ending! Like, maybe reader moved away and they mutually break up and they both end up in new relationships and hers turns out to be abusive & they both end their relationships because they feel like they are both still together and at the end the reader moves back and they get back together and just very fluffy at the end?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mentions of abuse, angst (with a happy ending!!)

“Doll, why are you calling me so late?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t-” you start, but Bucky cuts you off.

“It’s okay. It’s… good to hear your voice.” He exhales. “Wait – are you crying?”

You ignore the question. He’s whispering, and you know why. But you still ask.

“Is… Is she there?” you manage, trying desperately to keep your voice from breaking.

He pauses.

“Next door,” he breathes, finally. “Are you okay?”

Your silence says enough.

“Did he hurt you?” Bucky asks, concern flooding his voice.

Your voice fails you; you take too long to answer, apparently.

“Did. He. Hurt. You.” He repeats, voice flat, venom coating every word.

“Yes,” you sob, walls crumbling. And so you tell him – you tell him everything.

-

It had been weeks since you’d seen each other last; since you moved to a new city, away from Bucky. The decision had been mutual – you’d cared about each other enough to let the other try to move on. And you’d both found someone.

Bucky’s thoughts stray to the girl in the next room. He liked her, sure… but she wasn’t _you._ And more often than not, he found himself wishing that she was. Thinking of you, _dreaming of you._ She had no idea. He wasn’t over you – he didn’t think he ever would be. That thought was only confirmed by the pounding in his heart, the way his pulse was rushing with _rage,_ as he listens to your shattered voice. Listens to you tell him how that _son of a-_

He takes a breath. He calms himself down – because you need him. And now he _knows_ he’s still in too deep. But he keeps his composure… until he hears you say his name. Hears you plead with him.

“Bucky, _please…_ I- I don’t know what to do.”

And that sound _breaks_ him. Makes him _weak._ Hearing that sweet voice, _his angel,_ sound so distraught. And he decided that he would get you out of there, get you back, no matter what it took. No matter if he had to fight him for you. In fact, he would do so _gladly._

-

Of course you weren’t over Bucky. How could you move on from _Bucky Barnes?_

But maybe it had taken you too long to see that. After all, he had moved on from you, hadn’t he? You can’t help but wonder… was he happy? Because you… you weren’t.

“When can you leave?” Bucky whispers.

For a moment, time stops. And you can’t help the shock that floods your voice.

“Wh-what do you mean, Buck?”

“Come back. With me,” he sighs. “This is it, doll. I can’t do this anymore. I need you back.”

Your heart races. You gasp.

“You still love me, Bucky?”

“Always have, always will.”

The silence that follows is loaded with the weight of a thousand questions. You try to quiet your roaring pulse enough to muster an answer.

“I guess neither of us really moved on.”

-

Bucky takes care of everything. He breaks it off with the other girl; he doesn’t feel good about it. But he can’t go on without you any longer. He uses every connection at his disposal to get you away, to bring you back to him. And the moment he sees you again, the moment he holds you in his arms, the moment he hears his name coming from the lips of an angel – he knows that he’ll never let you go again.

-

You’d almost forgotten what it felt like - having Bucky’s arms around you. It felt safe; felt like _home._ You cling to him, as if your life depended on it. And despite everything that happened, everything that you’d endured, you smile. And when you pull away, just enough to see his face, you see him smiling back. And you swear, he looks just like an angel.


	3. You Are In Love - Taylor Swift

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just fluff here.

The first time he looks at you, you’re hooked.

The room is dark – there are people all around. But you only see him.

Steve was still talking, trying to introduce you to his best friend. He’d told you about Bucky before, but the man in front of you is not what you were expecting.

He’s flashing you a smile. And just one look at that gorgeous face; his enchanting blue eyes gleaming, full lips pulled up at the corners, chiseled cheekbones – and you just _know._

You talk, you joke – and the night goes too fast. You can’t help but replay it in your mind until you see him again.

-

Bucky’s driving, his hair blowing in the wind; you sip your coffee. You’re cruising, exchanging idle chatter, in a convertible with the top down, under the stars. You check the time – _midnight._ You don’t know how it got so late.

All of a sudden, Bucky stops talking. Pulls over.

“Look up,” he says, that smile playing on his lips again. 

He raises a hand, points. You admire the way the soft lights reflect the metal on his arm; his shoulder brushes yours. And your heart starts racing.

You do what he says, and you see it – a shooting star. It doesn’t take you long to figure out what to wish for.

And on the drive home, in the comfortable silence, under the starlight, you _feel it._ You’re in love.

-

You wake up to the smell of burnt toast, and can’t help but grin. You swing your legs off of the bed, pulling on Bucky’s shirt, and make your way to the kitchen.

He doesn’t see you right away, so you just watch him pile breakfast onto a plate. You admire everything about him; his still slightly disheveled hair, his broad shoulders, just the way that he moves. And when he spots you, he beams back, light dancing in his blue eyes. He sets the plate down on the counter.

“I’m sorry I burnt the toast,” he states, sheepishly. You just laugh.

“It’s perfect.”

-

Bucky tells you all about his past. He lets you see his scars; you let him see yours. And though both of your ghosts still haunt you, you face them together. And it’s not perfect – nothing ever is. Some days you’re fighting, saying things neither of you mean. Other times he’s pulling you into his arms on a sidewalk because he can’t keep away. Sometimes you stay up all night, just talking. But you make it through everything, because you love him.

Then one night, you wake up to him just staring at you. And it’s not uncommon, because you know those demons still lurk within his mind, still pull him from sleep. But tonight, it’s different. You can tell by the look on his face.

You stare at each other in silence for a time. And then…

“You’re my best friend,” he whispers, almost inaudibly. You wrap your arms around him.

And in that moment, you know he loves you too.

-

Finally, you understand what all the love songs and all the poems meant. And you can’t put it into words, because the feeling is indescribable. But you feel it when you’re with him. You can hear it in every silence, and you can see it even in the darkness.

True love.


	4. Unconditionally - Katy Perry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst. But fluff too!

You knew loving Bucky wasn’t going to be easy.

When you first met, he was closed off. He was still recovering; so many years of trauma from his past wasn’t something a person could just move on from. And every time you got closer to him, any time he almost opened up, you could feel him shut down all over again. You knew all about what he’d been through… and it didn’t bother you. Not one bit. Because you cared about _Bucky,_ not the Winter Soldier.

You knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but you didn’t care.

-

Bucky was trying. He wasn’t better, but he was _trying_ – and he hoped, for now, that it would be enough. There were good days, and there were bad ones. He was expecting that. But what he didn’t expect was you. He was a mess; he had blood on his hands, had done things most people only thought up in their nightmares. And yet here you were – this beautiful, _perfect_ person – who cared about him regardless. You didn’t care about his past; it didn’t scare you off. At first, he was afraid to let you love him, to love you back. Because he was still so _broken._ But even when he tried to push you away, you still stood by him. You made him want to let go of his fears. And so he did.

-

Today was a bad day.

Those demons that still haunted Bucky made themselves known. His walls came crashing down. And so you just sat with him, held him, until he felt like himself again.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky murmurs once he can speak. He looks at you – blue eyes rimmed in red, cheeks shining with fresh tears. Your heart breaks for him. You bring a hand to his face, wiping those tears away.

“You don’t need to apologize to me, Buck,” you state, softly.

He shakes his head, gently, but his eyes never leave yours.

“Why do you stay? Why do you put up with this?”

The question makes your chest ache. You trail a finger down his cheek, push back his hair.

“Because I love you, unconditionally,” you reply. “Any storm, we’ll weather it together. Good days and bad.”

And you swear there’s surprise on his face when he looks back at you. But you make it through this bad day, and many more. Slowly, the good days start to outweigh the bad ones. Bucky smiles more, and the sight always makes your heart soar. He lets you in, and you accept him as he is. His scars start to heal, and you’re with him every step of the way.

-

He’s still in awe of you. No matter how much time you spend together, how many times you say you love him – it always surprises him. Your kindness, your patience. Bucky doesn’t know what he ever did to deserve someone like you. Maybe some days he still felt like a monster, but he _knew_ you were an angel. And he knows he’ll be okay, because despite _everything,_ you stick by his side. It makes him determined to get better, to keep fighting. To be worthy of you. And he knows that together, you two can make it through anything. Because no matter what happens… he knows he will love you unconditionally, too.


	5. Hold On - Chord Overstreet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING: Angst. Really dark suff. Implied attempted suicide. Proceed with caution.

Bucky loved you. You loved him. But that didn’t mean that things were perfect.

Happiness and joy, passion and _anger_ – fighting, accusations, denial. You had it all. Often, your life together was chaotic; the demons that both of you were made of made sure of that.

Bucky never imagined that you would succumb to yours first.

-

He couldn’t think, couldn’t _breathe._ Because you had locked yourself in the bathroom, and you weren’t answering him. Bucky pounds of the door with his metal arm, pulse racing, until the hinges come loose. When he breaks through, he swears his heart stops.

He can’t connect the figure lying on the floor, motionless, to you. It _can’t_ be you.

He rushes over, collapses to the floor. Pulls you to him, arms shaking, and lays his head on your chest. And for half a second, he feels relief. _A heartbeat._ But he’s screaming and sobbing, and you’re still not responding.

“Please don’t leave me.”

-

His mind is racing, tears in his eyes. He’s muttering incoherently; he can’t stop. If it’s more for you or for himself… he can’t tell.

“Please, hold on, I still want you… I still need you…”

Driving down the highway, Bucky tries desperately to keep his eyes on the road, to focus through the watery haze. His chest aches as he waits for you to break the silence – but you don’t. An icy fear grips him, cold settling into his bones. He pleads to whatever higher power that there might be to keep your light from fading away. He could never imagine himself without you. Bucky has felt fear before. But he’s _never_ been this afraid, no matter the nightmares he’d lived through. And he couldn’t escape this one.

-

Bucky makes it to the hospital; they rush you away. And as he sits there, helpless, some of that chilling fear turns to searing rage. Because he’s useless, because he can’t do _anything_ to save you, because… because what if he doesn’t have the chance to make it right? What if his last words to you had been in anger, resentment? Because you had been fighting – _what were you even fighting about?_

His breathing is ragged, he can’t keep still. Legs jogging in place, fingers twitching. And he waits. He can’t do anything but _wait._ He flexes his hand, curls it into a fist. Tries to choke back his sobs. He’s not strong enough; he can’t let go. He prays that he’s not going to _have_ to let go.

The senseless fighting, his reckless words…it stops. He promises himself that it stops _now._ Because none of it matters. Nothing matters to him but _you._ And he swears, if you make it out of this, he’ll make you feel his love all your life. Every second of it. He just wants to take you _home._

Bucky waits.


	6. Stand By You - The Pretenders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst. Also some fluff, I think? Basically, feels. Idk how to categorize this.

You wake up to a figure in your doorway. You don’t panic - you’d recognize his silhouette anywhere. _Bucky._

You sit up, a smile spreading on your face. He’d been away on a mission for the past few days; you’d meant to stay and wait for him to come home, but you must’ve drifted off. You sit up, rubbing the sleep from your eyes.

“Hey, Buck. I missed you,” you call out, heart fluttering.

Bucky flicks on the light, smiles. But something’s off; it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He just looks… sad.

“Bucky? What’s wrong?” you ask, sizing him up. You don’t see any injuries, but he’s visibly tense. He just shakes his head, strands of long hair falling into his face. But… _were those tears welling in his eyes?_

“Come here,” you say, reaching out a hand. Your heart, so light just moments ago, now feels heavy in your chest.

He pauses, but then you watch his shoulders deflate. He comes to you, head down, dragging his feet across the floor.

He sits beside you, and you raise that hand up to his face, pushing his hair back. Sure enough, his blue gaze is watery; tears streaking down his face. The shadows under his eyes are pronounced, his jaw tense, and you can tell he’s struggling to control his breathing. Bucky meets your eyes, his expression a mixture of panic, despair, and _pain._ Your heart shatters.

You wrap your arms around him, pulling him to you, and he buries his head in your neck. You can feel the sobs shuddering through him.

“Hey, it’s okay… it’s okay…” you murmur to him, over and over. You run your hands through his hair, down his back, until the trembling eases.

You pull back to look at him, but he keeps his head down.

“Let me see you,” you say, placing a hand under his chin, gently tilting his face up. Your gazes lock – and the anguish you see there wrecks you.

Bucky takes a breath. Two. And then speaks.

“The mission… everything – it just brings back the memories. I just want to forget,” he whispers. He looks away again. “If you only knew, the things I’ve done…”

“Nothing you can say, nothing you’ve done, will ever make me love you less than I do right now,” you interrupt softly, before he can continue that train of thought. He turns back to you, some mixture of shock and awe playing across his features.

“I’ll stand by you, Bucky. Through anything.” You entwine your fingers with his. “You don’t have to go through this alone. Just let me in, don’t try to hide what you’re feeling.”

His eyes sear into yours. He nods, swallowing thickly. A silent promise. You bring your other hand back to his face, brushing a finger across his cheekbone, wiping away any trace of his tears. And when you lean in and kiss him, he clings to you, and doesn’t let go.


	7. Tropical Marijuana - MARG

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: More angst. Suggestive themes - the closest to implied smut that I’ll ever get.

You had one rule: don’t fall in love.

And Bucky? Bucky was perfect. Because he couldn’t handle a relationship right now. Because he was just as lonely as you were. Because you knew you couldn’t have him – so you wanted him.

-

Bucky knew the rule; he had the same one. His head was still a mess, he could barely trust himself. So how could he trust anyone else? But sometimes – at night, when the memories and he guilt and the _fear_ became too much – he needed someone. And you wanted the same things as he did. But the problem… the problem was _you._

You tied his head in knots, you drove him crazy, and most of all, you drew him _in._ Drew him _closer._

Bucky knew that he couldn’t fall in love. But he was worried that he just might.

-

You’d asked him not to leave.

In the heat of the moment, in your haze – the high that came from just _being_ with him. You’d been lost in Bucky, couldn’t shake the feeling on his lips on yours, on your skin… Tonight, you were selfish. You wanted him for just a little longer.

But even as you’d said it, in your mind you were _begging_ him not to stay. Because this couldn’t be any more than what it was. Not for him, and _especially_ not for you.

Even if, lying there, limbs entangled, his chest rising and falling beneath you… some part of you wished that it could.

-

Bucky leaves before you wake up. Because he can’t be there, can’t be the first thing you see in the morning. He can’t see your eyelids flutter open, can’t smile at you, can’t hold you like he wants to. So he tears himself away from your form, even if it rips whatever remains of his heart to shreds.

Too close. This was too close. There was a line… and he had almost crossed it. This had to be it. Maybe it was time to move on.

-

There was one rule.

And both of you had broken it.


	8. Try Me - The Weeknd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Requested as a mob boss Bucky x Reader AU.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Suggestive themes - again, the closest to implied smut that I’ll get.

Bucky drums his fingers against the table, the platinum of his watch glinting in the light. He had everything a man could want; money, power, riches. But right now, he wanted something else. He wanted _you._

So he kicks up his feet, and picks up his phone. And he can’t help the smirk that finds its way onto his face.

He always got what he wanted.

-

It had been a while since you’d seen him. You and Bucky… you were great. No, that was never the problem. It was the life he lived; he had told you himself that it wasn’t the life for a _good girl_ like you. Not with a guy like him. But the danger, the power, the darkness – it all drew you to him. Like a moth to a flame.

This wasn’t the first time you’d tried to get out. Wasn’t the first time you’d tried seeing someone else. But every time you tried to move on, Bucky had this infallible tendency to pull you right back in. He couldn’t get enough, and _you_ couldn’t stay away.

You aren’t surprised when your phone rings.

-

“You alone, doll?”

You grin to yourself.

“For now. What do you want, Bucky?” you ask, playfully. As if you didn’t know.

“Hey, I ain’t trying to break somethin’ up. If there’s someone else…” he trails off, but you can hear the smirk in his voice. You laugh.

“I wish I believed you.”

He lets out a low chuckle.

“I’ve been thinking ‘bout you, Baby girl,” he says, voice heavy with implications.

“Hmm. Miss me, Buck?” you tease.

“Course. You’re the best I ever had.”

Your grin widens. But before you can open your mouth to make a clever retort, Bucky speaks again.

“But see, my memory’s a little hazy. I was thinkin’ I could use a reminder,” he states, voice deepening. It sends shivers down your spine.

“Oh?” you ask simply, biting your lip. He can’t see you, but you’re sure he knows _exactly_ what he’s doing.

“Don’t you miss me too, baby?”

“Maybe.”

He lets out a _tsk_ at your response.

“Such a tease. Don’t mess with me, doll,” he chastises. Your pulse races. “So is this on?”

“Let me think about that,” you say, daring to push him one more time.

“Well, well. I would ask you what you’re thinkin’, Baby doll, but I think I’d much rather you _show_ me.”

And that’s it. You’re putty in his hands, and he _knows_ it. No more games.

When you don’t answer, Bucky chuckles knowingly.

“You know where to find me.”

And hangs up.

Maybe you weren’t such a good girl after all.

-

Bucky’s waiting for you when you get there. You show up at his place, and he meets you at the door; hair slicked back, dark suit, mouth twisted into a wicked smirk.

Bucky Barnes always got what he wanted.


	9. Bitches Broken Hearts - Billie Eilish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Some angst. Happy ending!!
> 
> I got a bit carried away so this one's a little long.

You catch his eye on the quinjet. For a second, he looks interested. You’re almost surprised, but then that stoic mask falls back into place, and he looks away. _Typical._

It was the mission that did it, you were sure. Because after missions was when Bucky used to hunt you down. When the two of you would hide behind closed doors – sometimes just talking, sometimes curling up with each other, sometimes more. But always in secret.

What a shame it wasn’t happening anymore.

-

It had been weeks now since you had told Bucky you were through with _whatever_ it was you had. It wasn’t that you didn’t care for him… it might have even been the opposite. Because you _did_ care for him, but he never seemed to care about _you._ Whenever you weren’t alone, that is. You weren’t sure what it was with him; if he was protecting his heart, if he couldn’t handle the emotions, if he was _ashamed_ – whatever the reason, you couldn’t deal with it anymore.

In front of the team, he’d grown distant, only acknowledging you if he _had_ to. Whenever someone – Sam, mostly – teased him about you, implied that maybe there was something there… he would scoff. Laugh it off. Deny everything. And it _hurt._ You were sick of being his secret, of only being around when _he_ wanted you. So the last time he sought you out, you told him you were done. Unless he wanted to change all of that. And apparently, he didn’t. Bucky hadn’t said much at all, actually. Just listened to you rant – that detached, steely look on his face – then nodded briskly, and turned on his heel. He’d pretty much left you alone since then.

However, you still felt him watching you when you weren’t looking. When you were laughing the rest of the team, while you were training, anywhere. But, just like today, if your gazes met, he’d turn cold, look away. Bucky could pretend that he didn’t miss you all he wanted – pretend that he didn’t care. But you knew better. And you were ready to move on.

-

Bucky knew he’d gotten himself into this mess. But he couldn’t help it; every time he saw you, all he wanted to do was hold you, _kiss you._ He couldn’t get you out of his brain – your face, your smile, your voice…

This whole thing was a bad idea. He’d known it, but he’d done it anyways. He wanted you so bad that he’s convinced himself that he could do all of this without feelings. It didn’t work.

He’d fallen for you hard and fast, but pretended otherwise. Part of it was for your own sake. He didn’t want _you_ to fall for _him,_ because he was a disaster. There were so many things he wasn’t ready for, things he couldn’t give you. He didn’t even remember how to love properly. He didn’t want anyone to know so that when it inevitably went to hell, you wouldn’t have to deal with the backlash. Because you were his weakness, and that put you in danger. He wanted to keep you safe. But he’d be lying if he said his motives were all altruistic; he was being selfish too. And he saw how he hurt you; he hated himself for it. So when you told him you couldn’t do it anymore, he didn’t stop you. You were better off without him anyways.

-

“You okay, Buck?” Steve asks him.

Bucky hasn’t seen you all night. He’s been sitting in the living room with Steve, pretending to watch something on the TV that he hadn’t been able to pay attention to for _one minute_ because _where were you?_

“I’m fine,” Bucky replies gruffly, eyes refusing to meet his friend’s. A lie. His legs jog in place, mimicking the restlessness of his thoughts.

“Bucky.”

He finally turns, sighing, and meets Steve’s gaze.

“Fine, okay. Where is she?”

“Out… on a date,” Steve states, gauging his reaction.

Bucky’s heart stops.

“A date?” He repeats, disbelief evident in his voice.

“What did you _do?_ ” Steve finally asks him. And Bucky realizes how stupid he must have been to assume that he wouldn’t notice.

“I messed everything up, real bad.”

-

It’s late when you finally walk through the elevator door. You’d had fun. The guy, well – he was okay. It probably wouldn’t lead to anything, but it was a step in the right direction. A step towards mending your broken heart.

You spot Bucky brooding in the dark, leaning against a wall. Waiting for you.

“What do you want?” you question, not in the mood to deal with him right now. His ice blue gaze locks onto yours, eyes flashing. He takes a deep breath.

“Look, I know you said you didn’t want this anymore, but- ”

“No, Bucky,” you interrupt, voice rising. “You do _not_ get to do this. I told you, I’m done, done with you pretending you don’t care-”

“I know,” he states, solemnly. And for once you can see the emotion on his face, hear it in his voice. So you stop talking. He takes a step towards you.

“That’s why I told them… The team. I told them everything. I miss you. I want you. I’m sorry.”

You gasp in shock.

“What… why?” you ask, as he finally closes the distance between you.

“Because I love you. Please, let’s start over. I’ll do it right this time. I swear,” he promises, eyes shining.

You take a moment to process the words. You study him, and the look on his face, the vulnerability in his voice… You can’t help but believe him. Maybe you’d regret it. But when he takes your hand in his, fingers entwining; you let him. You smile at him, and it seems like the weight of the world has been lifted off his shoulders. He smiles back. And you agree.


	10. Want You Back - 5 Seconds of Summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst. But since I don’t want you all to suffer too much, I couldn’t resist giving this one a happy ending too.

Bucky knew that he would never be prepared for this moment. But it comes anyways.

He hears the words coming from your mouth, sees the gravity in the expression on your face – but he can’t believe it. It _can’t_ be real.

He’s trying so hard to listen to you, but he’s struggling to hear over the deafening sound of his heart shattering. His _whole world_ shattering.

He can’t tell if the wet streaks on his face are from the rain or from tears. He wishes he could speak, say something, _anything,_ but he can’t – he doesn’t trust his brain.

And so he lets you go.

-

Bucky has been all over the world. He’s seen so much more than he ever thought he would. He’s seen how the world changed.

But through it all, only one thing remains constant. He still thinks of you… _all the time._ Because every time he goes somewhere new, all he can think of is the places you used to say you wanted to see. The places you were supposed to go _together._ And he feels that ache in his chest again. After every mission, after the adrenaline wears off, no matter where he is – that loneliness overwhelms him, and he can’t feel anything except for how much he misses you.

Bucky knows that he’ll never get over you, his heart will never heal. He’s always going to want you back.

-

He’s off in a strange country when it happens. He hears someone laugh. And time stops, everything stops – because he _swears_ that it sounded just like you. He can’t breathe, can’t think. But when he turns abruptly… it isn’t you. Bucky’s heart drops, breaks all over again. _Of course_ it wasn’t you. But even after all this time, he can’t stop himself from hoping, from wishing. It had been so long since he’d seen your face.

The last time… He tries not to think about the last time. Tries not to think about every detail he had memorized of you; the pain on your face, the anguish in your voice, even what you were wearing. He remembers it all. And he _especially_ remembers all the places where he went wrong. He shakes his head, long strands of hair falling into his face, trying to clear it from his mind. It doesn’t work. It never works.

Later that night, Bucky wakes from a nightmare. Instinctively, he reaches to the side, reaches for _you._ But he’s met with nothing. It hits him too late that he’s alone in this bed. That you’re not there to hold him, to comfort him like you used to. His chest tightens; he clenches his hand into a fist, tries to bite back the sobs that are threatening to escape. And when he finally does fall back asleep, he doesn’t have a nightmare. No – instead, he dreams of you. And in his dreams, he’s happy.

-

Bucky’s dreamt of this moment a million times. But he’s still not prepared for it when it happens.

Because no matter how often he wished for it, he never dared to think that it could be real.

He comes home late one night, exhausted from a grueling mission. It’s raining. He spots a figure outside his door, and freezes, nerves on edge. He tentatively steps closer… and then his heart stops.

It’s you. And it takes him a second to convince himself, but you’re real.

And when you see him, you tell him that you’d missed him too. You confess to him the words that run through his brain every moment. This time, Bucky feels like he’s going to shatter from happiness.

And so he lets you in.


End file.
